Dec 31, 2019

2019-12-31 12:00:17 ♡2019

Everyone. It's finally New Year's Eve!!
There have been many things happening in 2019,
I don't know where to start from.

I think it's good to look back on the years from details
but somehow, this year, more than the details,
I want to focus on the various mental states I went through.

Anyway, this year, I've tried out many new things ! For real !!!

So first of all
I'm going to quickly look back on all the things I've done☺︎


*Had many lives in schools, starting by Mirai souzou-ten 🎶
*Thanks to this, I had year project with the technical college HAL.
*Starting by Utacon, I appeared on many TV programs 📺
*Appeared in the drama "I Turn"
*My first opening ceremony🤭⚾️
*First experience has a VTuber (Suzuki Ai). (t/n : during Sotsu! Ome 2019)
*Singing start again a cappella as an image character for Chiba bank.
*Participated in the brand Samantha's 25th anniversary song & produced collaboration items👛
*Chose the clothes to collaborate with the brand MiiA👗
*Guest during Hello! Project's tour 😌
*Talk events!🗣
*Runway walks & live during fashion shows💃
*Became a radio personality 📻
*The Escape tour 🎩
*MC for AbemaTV🙋‍♀️
*Regular on Tokyo Good!!
*Appeared in Curel's web CM 🧴
*Appeared in many festivals 🌈
*Fanclub events & fanclub lives
*The No Live,No Life? tour
、、、And as for private events
I think I can include
*My first travel alone!!!


I guess I forgot many things, but this year was full of new experiences and encounters. Thank you very much.

I don't know when chance turns or when a challenge will come.

In these everflowing days,
there were times it was necessary to switch on and suddenly enter in fight mode,
To be honest, there were days I almost lost myself.

Even though it's really bad to react like this.

However
What I really thought about this year, and what I want to tell you, is that I'm really grateful to all of my fans. I always feel grateful. Really ! Every single year ! But, this year in particular, I really want to thank you. I wish there was a word bigger than "thank you", but I'm full of that feeling.

Thank you so much( ; ; )


"I want to make it a year full of smiles"
I started 2019 with such motto


I got to realize there's always something before that smile. Kind of like you need shadows to make light. You can't be positive if you ignore your negative feelings and your doubts.

Last year, I made my solo debut.
I finally realized I was standing alone and thought "Okay, let's do this".

However in this second year
I think I might have felt more pressure, noticed the difficulty of it, and on the contrary, the fun of doing it.

I thought it might be wrong
to always talk about what's happening to me or my realizations,
that it'd be annoying, wrong
to put my troubles and hardships inside my lyrics.

I may be totally wrong but now
What I'm feeling is that
it's okay to rely more on the fans supporting me.

That's what I noticed when I did my live the other day.

If I try my best and overcome my limits, then you'll return even more of it to me. I'm definitely the one getting more power and support from you, but just thinking you may feel the same makes me happy, which is why I want to give you a lot of power as well.


I try to look at each and every single one of you during my lives.
It's not faking it, I'm really watching you.
All of your gazes and facial expressions are different, yet I'm moved by all of them. I really want you to keep that face when you see me. That's what I thought.


I'm sorry, as it's my first time expressing such thoughts I have some difficulties finding the right words... lol

I thought I really wanted to make lives
which makes you think "I'll do my best and live, tomorrow".

The ultimate reason I started to sing
was to become somebody else's support.
I really wanted to give people enough courage to welcome tomorrow, and there were many tools I could've used for that purpose, but I love singing and this is why I choose that path.

It's an important motive that I tend to forget.
Because it was a feeling I started to have when I was young,
It may have been a small thing at that time, but it's truly what motivates me the most right now.

It was very difficult to immerse myself into songs.
I still can't do it properly now.

But thanks to my encounter with
such a wonderful song as "Betsu no hito no kanojo ni natta yo",
I started to understand how to do it this year.

Even if I worked hard on my facial expressions and performances,
something would always be missing.
And I wanted to try more of that missing piece.

Which is why I got rid of the dances
during my No Live, No Live lives in December.
I wanted to sing like the true me.

It made me realize and feel new things.

Being in an environment where I can try out things like this
And being in an environment where there are people supporting the immature woman I am
Of course I'd feel grateful. My only wish is to give it back to you someday.

Anyway, my head and my eyes felt hot a lot of times (lol)
(t/n : like when you feel hot because you're about to cry)

I've had many experiences besides singing, and with the staff members who always gets my back, my managers supporting me, the love from fans, I cried many times. I really released a lot of water this year ! (lol)

Whenever we're going to eat out,
the Airi team staff who never gets upset when we're having discussion.
The managers who always encourages me "You just have to go forward ! Don't worry !".

I'm feeling so grateful.

The other day.
When we were talking about the future,
I was surrounded by so much live I started to burst into tears in the restaurant.

At this same time, "Meguru Koi no Kisetsu" broadcasted.
I wonder if that was on purpose ?

The lyrics are
"Donna toki mo asa ga kuru yo
No matter what, morning will always come
Mada shiranai asa ga kuru yo
A morning you're not aware of yet will come
Donna toki mo shoujiki nara
As long as you're always honest
Mune wo hatte sono saki he "All Right susundeke!"
Puff out your chest and move on "All right, let's move forward!""

I felt as if Tsunku♂-san and
my past self were united to push my back.

To the point I sent a mail to
Tsunku♂-san, to express
my gratitude.


That's right.
The only thing I can do is puff out my chest and live honestly.
I'm also myself when I get lost. I have to accept everything I am and move forward. That's what the songs I used to sing were all about.


For someone who has lived for only 25 years
This may sound a bit exaggerated
But this past year has definitely been full of crying and doubting, facing my weaknesses.

But that's exactly why I can't forget the year 2019, and will become even stronger in 2020!!!!!

I don't know what's going to happen, and that's the fun part. Of course, there is my Yokohama Arena live in April, but not only for this
Every single day, I want to move forward and puff out my chest proudly,
Trusting myself and the people around me
That's what I want 2020 to be.


Thank you so much for this year?
Let's make a lot of exciting times next year too!!


I love you and you're so important to me!!!!



From Airi

https://ameblo.jp/airisuzuki-officialblog/entry-12563612227.html

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